The Line Begins to Blur
by lolilee
Summary: Noodle's broken mental state begins to force her into a downward spiral that consumes her entire life, and 2D can't bear to watch her go alone. Not again. NoodleX2D
1. The Line Begins to Blur

Chapter 1: The Line Begins to Blur

_"As I lie here and stare_  
_The fabric starts to tear_  
_It's far beyond repair_  
_And I don't really care_  
_As far as I have gone_  
_I knew what side I'm on_  
_But now I'm not so sure_  
_The line begins to blur"-Nine Inch Nails_

* * *

Unzip, reach in, pinch, pull out, roll, light, breathe deep.

Unzip, reach in, pinch, pull out, roll, light, breathe deep.

Unzip, reach in, pinch, pull out, roll, light, breathe deep.

Unzip, reach in, pinch, pull out, roll, light, breathe deep.

Sigh.

This was the ritual of young Noodle. She felt her pupils dilate, her lungs burn, her heart race, her body relax.

Then pour a shot, smirnoff, jager, captain, patron; whatever.  
Feel the sweet fire race down her throat, splash into an empty stomach, repeat until her vision was blurry and the room was spinning. Then she could feel good about life. She could take the sheet off the mirror and look at herself. She could run her hands along her body like he should, place a finger pad on her lips, cup her breasts; things he should be doing. Look herself in the eye and keep the tears locked up for another night.

Angrily, she ripped off her shirt, her jeans, her bra and panties and stared at herself. She had trouble focusing for a moment, and almost fell over, but soon regained her balance and stared intently at herself. She was not ugly. Quite the contrary, to be honest. He would be lucky to have her! He should know how to treat a woman like herself.

Okay, so, maybe not a woman, but he should know how to treat her anyway. There were certain things that should happen, and so far, she had not had the courage to do any of them. He obviously wouldn't take matters into his own hands, what did that leave? She must do it.

Noodle had been in her room for almost two days, and still no one had come to find her. In her mental state, someone should have come by now to fish her out of her depression. The guitarist had never assumed that she would have an addictive personality, but now she may as well consider herself a boarderline alcoholic. If you set aside the cigarettes, weed, and the shrooms; which she recently discovered were an instant paradise, everyone had a nasty habit. They weren't supposed to be addictive, but she found herself needing them to be happy, that life was even worse without them, and that she needed twice as much every time she took them.

"Oh, window to my happiness.." She trailed off because she wasn't even sure if she was thinking of the substances or of him. He was like a drug in himself, really. Forbidden, illegal, dangerous. She wanted him, so much she could die when a hug ended after she had held on a bit too long to begin with. When she was lying in his bed, against his chest and she needed to press her lips against his, roll around scratching, biting, licking, caressing, moaning and screaming; but never had the courage to do it. Following through with her fantasies could have disastrous consequences, anyway. The band would break up, Russel and Murdoc would kill him and hate her. It was best to keep her fantasies in her head, only act upon them in her mind when her door was locked and she lay awake all night, haunted by her missing heart.

The horrible thing was, he didn't even know how bad she wanted, no, needed to be with him. He was her savior, her white knight, her Prince Charming she had read about so much. Their passion would be incredible, and the taboo would be too much to bear. They could sneak off into one of their rooms at night, or perhaps the recording studio and he could take her away from the hurt, and make her forget; if only for a little while. She felt her own hand move down her stomach and imagined it was his. When she reached between her legs, she pretended it was him, when she moaned under her breath, she said his name. She imagined him whispering to her, calling her "lil'love" and promising to love her always.

In reality, who was she hurting other than herself with her imaginary games? No one, really. Noodle allowed herself the small pleasure in exchange for never acting on her feelings in real life. Disaster rang out in her subconceous as she threw her head back and moaned again.

Just as she was getting to her favorite part of her fantasy, there was a knock on her door. She was sobering up, which was bittersweet in her mind, but probably a good thing in actuality. Silently, she cursed and scrambled for a t-shirt and boxers to cover herself up.

"Lil'Love?"

Fantastic.

Fan. Fucking. Tastic.

"2D?" Came her small voice, barely above a whisper.

"'Ey! You're alive! I been worried sick 'boutcha! I even went ta tha store ta get ya some meds-

'Stop teasing me, you don't care', she thought silently. As much as she tried to ignore him, her body tingled with apprehension and suddenly panic. What if he over heard a too-loud moan?

"Dear? Ya gonna lemme in?"

She kicked her discarded clothes under her bed, padded to the door and opened it slowly. She was met with the grinning face of her fansty. He held a paper bag in one hand, and a stack of movies in another. He awkwardly elbowed past her and dropped the stuff on the floor. Turning quickly, he held an even face, even when obviously noting the half-empty bottles of liquor on the floor and ashtray filled with roaches and cigarette butts.

She hid her face, and was nearly brought to tears of shame when he sat down and poured a shot of patron for himself. What would she say if he asked? Her band mates had no idea she was doing the bad things she shouldn't be. She was only 17.

Suddenly, 2D's face broke out into a gap-toothed grin as he downed the shot and quickly poured another.

"Gettin drunk by yoself is no fun, Love. We can get a lil messed up, and watch some movies, maybe even smoke a lil bud while we're at it." He winked and motioned for her to drink the shot.

Getting drunk with 2D was risky. She knew a lot of accidents could happen while intoxicated, and even though she was still a little buzzed, she was thinking clearly enough to know better. Hesitating a second and weighing her options, she made the biggest mistake she could have made at that moment; young Noodle looked down directly into 2D's eager face. He was so wonderful, really. At that moment, she imagined running her hands through his spikey blue hair, tracing her tongue over his ear while whispering dirty things to him, pressing her body against his and feeling like he would never let her go. Hastily, she sat down and swallowed the strong tequila. Suddenly, she felt drunk; maybe from allowing herself to fantasize about him while staring directly at him, possibly from the apprehension of what may happen. And, really, how bad would it be if they let themselves have a night of alcohol induced passion?

A few shots later, 2D was obviously feeling pretty good, and Noodle was nearly falling over as she sat on the floor. Somehow, they had ended up in a position of Noodle leaning back on the palms of her hands with a leg outstretched into 2D's hand. He had somehow managed to find a marker and draw faces on the bottoms of her toes. She, in turn was drunkenly giggling up a storm and squirming at his touch on a very ticklish part of her body.

"Aha! Lil'Love! I tink I jus thought o' somfink!" 2D slurred, releasing her foot and taking a long swig from the nearly empty Smirnoff bottle. The shot glasses had been discarded three shots earlier and the pair were now just taking drinks straight from the bottle. After swallowing, the blue-haired man fell onto his hands and started crawling over her small frame.

Immediately, the hair on the back of Noodle's neck stood on end and she took a sharp intake of breath involuntarily. She was lying back on her hands and two inches from her chest was 2D's. She looked up, eyes wide, into his black dents. Still holding her breath, she could feel the electricity between their bodies, she felt that wonderful sliding feeling in the pit of her stomach, her lips were centemeters away from his own and slightly open. She closed her eyes and tilted her head, readying herself; nervous and excited and drunk off her ass. Suddenly, his hands were on her sides, his weight on her pelvic bone, and she opened her eyes just in time to realize what was happening.

He was tickling her!

She would have cried right then if she weren't laughing from the merciless attack. He was laughing along with her, childishly throwing his head back in pure delightment. His hands tickled up and down her sides, thoroughly enjoying himself until one slip of the hand changed the mood. He stopped abruptly, causing Noodle to be forced to focus on him. His right hand had landed on her breast which was covered by nothing but a thin tshirt. Before either of them knew what was happening, her body responded by itself; her little nipple hardened under his light touch and 2D made no effort to hide his interest. He lightly brushed over the delicate curve of her breast, as if testing her reaction, looking at her widened eyes the whole time.

"I'm sor-

Noodle made a bold decsion; the young girl placed her finger over his lips, narrowed her eyes and licked her lips.

"I like it."

She didn't need to elaborate. 2D tilted his head to meet her lips, grabbing the back of her head and tangling his fingers in her purple locks. She earerly accepted his tounge in her mouth, letting it explore as she moaned slightly. She decided to act on her fantasy, she wanted to fuck him. No love-making. She didn't want respect, or tenderness, just cold lust and drunken passion. Her hands took on a life of their own as she ripped his shirt over his head and nearly clawed at the exposed skin. Their tounges fought for control as their bodies grinded together roughly, rolling over each one fighting to be on top. 2D pinned her down and tore her shirt over her head, exposing a pair of perfect breasts. He stared intently at the small pink nipples standing on end at her highly aroused state. At that moment, he was sure he had never had as hot a moment as this, and he had had some pretty insane moments of sexual pleasure. He groaned roughly, and lowered his mouth to the small bud, licking and biting her, earning a string of moans and broken sylibles of his own name. She pulled his hair and ground her hips into his, feeling like she would go out of her mind with pleasure.

2D's mind was blank. He had reverted to the most primal insticts known to humans. His one thought was to pleasure this woman lying underneight him. Swiftly, he picked her up, keeping their mouths locked together, and threw her on the bed. She squealed with delight, backing herself up and blatantly spreading her legs in a very inviting way. His eyes widened, and his erection stiffened. Noodle shifted out of her boxer shorts causing 2D to do a double take at her beautiful naked body. Quickly he undid his belt, and let the remainder of his clothing fall to the floor. Noodle's eyes nearly popped out of her head, her arousal peaking at that moment.

He knelt down in front of her, pulling her by the ankles so her slim legs dangled over the edge of her bed. She gasped, but quickly settled into a rhythm of moans as his tounge invaded a very new place. She clawed at the blankets covering her matress as she felt the nearness of a feeling she had only ever given herself. When he bit down softly on her tender clit and began to flick his toung over it, she fell over the edge grinding her hips into his face, and screaming at the strong orgasm. He didn't let up, feeling much too turned on by what he had done. Instead he moved his face back and replaced his tounge with two fingers. Quickly, she fell into motion with him, but realized it was not enough.

"Fuck me, 2D."

...2D...

He looked down, shaking his head trying to unblur his vision. Something clicked in his mind, finding its way through the drunken stupor and he realized what he was about to do.

"Noodle?"

Her response was a small groan and thrusting her hips lazily into the air. Her young form a picture of perfection in his eyes. He wanted her so badly, he could almost taste her. His common sense was severly impaired, but he still thought a moment about what was about to happen.

Noodle opened her eyes, wondering what was taking so long. She sensed his indecision and felt something inside break. Even drunk he didn't want to be with her. She felt the bitter sting of tears form on ther surface of her eyes, and sat up, circling her arms around her knees as if to cacoon herself. She buried her head in her arms and squeezed her eyes shut to stop the tears. Meanwhile, 2D sat stunned at the realization of who he was with and what he had just done. Noodle...sweet, innocent Noodle...and he...he just...

"Oh, God! Noodle, I'm sorry...I-I don't know what ta say..." He looked away.

She looked up, drying her eyes and putting on her best seductive expression.

"No, no, 2D-san. I love what you are doing to me...I-I want more..." she grinned wickedly and pushed him onto the floor. She pinned him down so that her pert little breasts were inches from him lips. He bit his tounge to keep it in his mouth and looked down, noticing how close the smooth plane of skin was to his dick. She moved her hips slightly against his dick, just to let him know how truthful she was being. He felt the wetness immeadiatly and fell back into his drunken state, loosing the moment of clairity and the realization of what he was doing. He as only a man after all.

Noodle didn't know what she was doing. She couldn't tell if this was a fantasy, or real life. She couldn't comprehend anything but the hands roaming her body. She was on fire, her head was reeling with the sensations of his lips and his teeth. She decided this must be a strange drunken dream and that she would wake up soon with a splitting headache and the bitter taste of dissapointment, so why not go with it?

He flipped her over onto her back and got on top of her. His dick stroked the length of her womanhood and she moaned his name, begging him to go farther. It took him a second to fit all the way inside her, but when he did, they were both in heaven. Roughly, he thrusted into her, earning loud four-letter words from his little love.

"Fuck. Fuck. Fuck..." she trailed off, digging her nails into his back. He nearly growled at the new sensastion, flipping her over onto her hands and knees. The new position caused a gasp from both involed, and the way he reached infront of her to caress the small bud in front of her opening made her cry out. He thrusted harder, rubbed her harder, hoping to send her over the edge again before he fell off himself.

"Love, cum for me." He urged, biting his lip to control himself. Almost as if on que, he felt her tense and grow silent for a second before she started panting. She was getting very close, but he knew he wouldn't hold out too much longer. She cried out and he felt her muscles tighten around his member. A few seconds later, he couldn't control his body and he drove into her with such force, her moans with distorted. He came soon, falling back to avoid landing on top of her. Quickly, he climbed on the bed and gathered her in his arms. She was slick with sweat, as was he, but he cuddled her to him and kissed her lips, then her nose, then her forehead, whispering all of the things that convinced her this was a dream. She smiled and laid her head on his chest, suddenly very sleepy.

"You are tha mos' beautiful girl in the 'ole world." He mumbled, lazily twirling a section of her hair around his finger. She felt near tears, never wanting to shut her eyes and wake up from this perfect world. But upon hearing the rhythmic breathing of her partner, she soon fell into a deep sleep. The first night in weeks she had fallen asleep with a smile on her face.

* * *

Noodle awoke to a beam of light conviently placed in her eyes. She groaned and rolled over, sleepily rubbing her eyes and running into something solid. She muttered under her breath and opened her eyes to see a concerned looking 2D staring down at her. The bags under his eyes were darker than normal and he looked like he hadn't slept much the night before. Immeadiatly, she wondered why he was sitting on the edge of her bed in only his boxers. His hair was a mess and there were thin red lines trailing down his shoulders and chest. She offered a look of confusion to the man and reached under the blankets. Her confusion was replaced with shock as she realized she was completely naked. Her head shot up and her eyes widened as she looked at 2D. Could her vivid dream have been reality? No...this was a coincidence...it must be very hot outside and that was why 2D was walking around in boxers. And she had fallen asleep drunk, fantisizing about him like always. He must have gotten worried about her staying in her room for so long and come to find her. Yes, there was a solution to this.

"Noodle Love...I'm s'sowy. I don't know what ta do...what I did ta ya last night...what happened..."

2D felt sick to his stomach. Noodle was just 17, not old enough to have done to her what he did. She couldn't even understand the feeling he felt for her, much less act on them. When he had woken up with her in his arms with her silky skin against his, he had never felt so complete. Her har fell over her angel face and he had selfishly pulled her close to him for a few moments before falling into reality. He was a horrible person, he felt so bad, like he had taken advantage of young Noodle. He new he was too old for her, it killed him inside to admit that, last night was a glimpse of what they could never be. He may be slow, but he knew that much. For Noodle's own good, she couldn't be with him.

Her youthful face was full of confusion. Her jade eyes filled with wonder and he could tell something was bothering her.

"2D," She started slowly. "Do you remember last night? Do you think it was a mistake?"

He chose his words carefully, not wanting to hurt her. Everything he needed to say, he couldn't express.

"Yes...I 'member, Love. 'Twas great...but I don't think it should 'appen again..." he whispered, looking away. He heard a small sob, but was too ashamed to look at her. It would break his heart to hurt her.

"Why?"

How did he answer that? He loved her, would do anything for her, and now the one thing he had wanted forever had happened and it shouldn't have. Their physical relationship should have stayed a fantasy, for the good of the band, but mostly for Noodle's own good.

"'Twas a mistake, Love. We was both drunk..." He never made eye contact with her, afraid to see the pain in her eyes. He could feel his own heart breaking as he stood to leave. 2D bent over and put his pants and shirt back on, turned around to grab the near-empty liquor bottles and threw them in a bag, all the while avoiding Noodle's face. He was almost to the door when he heard the sobs, muffled by a blanet.

"Please don't go, 2D-san." She whispered, her voice broken and numb. Tears flowed from her eyes, down her cheeks and she just left them, tasting salt in the corner of her mouth.

"I needa go..." He muttered, feeling tears come to his own eyes.

Completly out of character, Noodle stood up, completely bare yet unphased, and walked to him. She grabbed his arm and made him face her. They looked at each other for a few seconds before Noodle looked down and played with the carpet with her toes. 2D sighed, not knowing how to handle the situation. He followed his instincts and bent over to huddle her in his arms. Cries escaped her lips, but she held onto him anyway. He felt the wetess of her tears on his shoulder, and felt her small frame shake as it was wracked with sorrow.

"I love you, 2D." She whispered after awhile.

2D reeled back, letting go of her and falling to a seat on her bed. His eyes were wide and his mouth agape. He wanted to scream at her, tell her 'no, you're too perfect for someone like me. It could never work.' He wanted to tell her to go on, and leave him alone with his broken heart that only she could fix. At the same time, the small portion of selfishness in his mind told him to love her. To cup her face in his hands and make sweet love to her right there to make up for last night. They could make it work...he would be happy. But 2D was not a selfish person, and he knew what needed to be done.

"I needa go." He repeted, more firmly this time, standing to leave again.

She stood infront of him, seemingly enraged. Her cheeks were red and her fists were clenched.

"Tell me it didn't mean anything!" she challened, loosing her strong stance and expression. Her scowl quickly crumpled into that of a broken little girl.

"Noodle-

"No! You fucking tell me right now what last night meant!" She yelled, not caring if anyone else heard her. She was so overcome by emotion that she was not thinking clearly.

"I love you."

Now it was Noodle's turn to be taken aback, clearly astonished. Her face brightened and she walked towards him, trying to embrace his thin body.

He wrapped his arms around her, preparing to do the hardest thing he had ever done. He took a deep breath and buried his face in her hair.

"But...ya hafta listen, Noodle Love. Ya could neva be 'appy wif me. You're too perfect and wonderful. I can't make ya 'appy and that would kill me."

With his voice choking up, he pulled away from her and grabbed her hand.

"I love ya, Dear, but I'm too old, and I can't hurtcha anymore than I already 'ave. I'm s'sowy." Tears fell from his eyes when he stared at her astonished expression. _'I'm so sorry, Noodle, so so so so so sorry.'_

2D walked o the door, slowly, fighting an inner battle against staying and leaving. He opened the door, closed it behind him and heard the load sobs. He slid his back down the door and buried his head in his lap.

Inside the room, Noodle was in her own personal hell. She sobbed until she had nothing left. She stared at the wall until her vision went blurry and she couldn't breathe. Slowly, she rolled a new joint and began to smoke it. For the rest of the day, she repeted over and over again that it had been a dream. She blurred the line between reality and fantasy. It would be best kept that way. Finishing the rest of her joint, she began to think about 2D and how wonderful t would be to be with him...smiling to herself, she took a shot of patron, savoring the taste. She held the glass bottle at eye-level sloshing the clear liquid around.

"Oh, my window to happiness..."

* * *

Reviews would be greatly appriciated. This may turn into a story if I get the inspiration...

Thanks for reading!


	2. Only

Chapter 2: Only

_"Now I am somewhere I am not supposed to be,_  
_and I can see things I know I really shouldn't see_  
_And now I know why, now, now, now I know why _  
_Things aren't as pretty_  
_On the inside."-Nine Inch Nails_

* * *

2D groaned and forced his body to roll over. He hastily searched for the alarm going off, but his efforts were in vain. The alarm he thought he heard was nothing more than a terrible headache; throbbing, reminding him he was still alive. He sighed and began a different search for his bottle of pills. Memories of the previous night flitted in and out of his subconcious even in his dreams. Suddenly, he didn't much feel like he desearved to take the pills to ease his pain. What pain had he caused Noodle? He had behaved the way he would have if he had been fucking one of the worthless whores he used to bring home from bars. That's not how he felt about the innocent young girl. His internal conflict kept growing worse and worse as more thoughts circled his mind.

What if she had been a virgin before last night? Oh, God; had he drunkenly taken something that should have been given in love?

The question in his mind was not weather or not he loved her, but rather; did she love him? He was convinced she was confusing their closeness with that of real love. At that moment, he wondered what she was doing. Was she drinking herself into a stupor, or smoking so much that she could only sit on her bed letting her mind wander...he even thought that he may have saw some shrooms on the dresser, he hoped she wasn't using those to make a false happiness.

What would he do when he saw her? Surely, the two would have to spend hours in the recording studio at band practice. How would his actions effect her musical talent? He wasn't even sure if he'd ever be able to sing let alone write anything that wasn't an apology to her. 2D didn't want to avoid her, no, he couldn't reject her, not ever. If she wanted to be with him, he wasn't sure he was strong enough to turn her away again. Suddenly, there was a knock on his door. His heart stopped, half hoping, and half dreading the young guitarist's voice.

"2D? Yo, man! Open the door."

He sighed inwardly, mostly realived it wasn't Noodle. He quickly walked to the door in his pajama pants and let the large man in.

Russel gave him a once over and chuckled slightly. The blue-haired man's hair was messier than normal, he looked like he hadn't slept at all, and he noted the scratch marks down his back as 2D turned around to sit on his bed.

"Have some fun last night?" He joked, thinking 2D had woken up with just a hangover and an empty bed.  
"Huh? Oh..." He looked away. He wasn't entirely sure where the conversation was going. He was much to exhasted to worry about weather of not Russel knew anything of what had happened. He wasn't sure how to end his setance so he just sighed.  
"Hey, man, what's up?"

"N'thing. I-I jus didn't get much sleep las'night."

Russel smiled and started to back out the door, realizing that now might not be the best time to talk about new music, and settled for reminding him to be at practice in a few hours. 2D nodded and closed his eyes, falling back onto his bed. His band mate shut his door and 2D stared at the ceiling, thinking of lyrics to a new song.

* * *

Russel brushed off the strange conversation with 2D as a result of a too-rough girl and too much alcohol as he continued down the hallway to find the member of his band that just happened to be his favorite...and had also been MIA for a few days. He smiled as he knocked lightly on her door, calling her name.

"Go away." came the muffled response. He frowned and tried again.

"It's me, Russel. Open up!"

A few minutes with no response passed and finally a soft 'click' was heard and the door opened slightly and Noodle's head popped out. Her eyes were red and swollen and underlined with the same dark circles as 2D had. Russel thought she was just tired until he looked closer and noticed her pupils. She was stoned.

"What did you want? I'm getting ready for band practice." She mumbed, now avoiding eye contact.

"Are you high?" He demanded, immeadiatly growing furious at the situation. She shook her head quickly and tried to close the door, but he pushed past, begining a search for weed or other drugs.

Noodle stood against the door fram with her arms crossed glaring at the large man. He sighed when he didn't find anything, and turnd to her with an apologetic look on his face.

"I'm sorry, Noods. I was just worried, that's all. Are you feelin' okay?"  
"I'm fine." She said quickly, her eyes darting from the floor to the wall and back down to the floor. "I was just sick, and haven't slept too well lately..." She finished with a fake cough to convince him. He seemed slightly suspicious, but didn't press the issue. He quickly gave her a hug and turned out the door. As soon as the door was shut, Noodle let out the breath she had been holding since his search started. She walked over to lock the door and then bent down under the bed, climbed underneith all the way to the back and grabbed the small shoe box containing her weed and about half an ounce of shrooms along with the nearly empty alcohol bottles. Noodle decided she probably wanted to function for practice, and so smoking more may be out of the question, showering, however, may be a good idea.

She walked slowly to her adjacent bathroom and shut the door behind herself, undressing quickly, she started the water and waited for the temperature to become correct. While she was waiting, Noodle stared at herself in the mirror.

Chirst.

She gaped at her appearence and even did a double-take, not believing how strung out she looked. Her eyes were hollow and haunted looking, her skin an ashen shade of appricot. Maybe she shouldn't spend so much time sitting in her room fantazing and abusing her youth.

_...last night wasn't a fantasy..._

A small voice reminded her of her mistake, but she quickly pushed it back down. Last night must have been a dream, there was no way any of the crazy things that had happened last night were real, she convinced herself. Silently, she stepped into the steaming hot water feeling worse and more confused than before. She immeadiatly regretted looking at her own refelction.

* * *

_"I didn't mean to do it_  
_It loved me in my head_  
_I tried to be a charmer,_  
_but I got a bit hopeless instead_  
_The world is very sexy_  
_It's part of my collapse..."_

Noodle stood in the doorway of the recording studio an hour early thinking that a little solo might help to clear her head so she didn't completely fall apart upon seeing 2D again but was soon met with a new melody and the person she was avoiding's voice. He was facing away from the door, his head down and his keyboard in front of him. She stood, frozen, in the middle of the wooden frame praying he wouldnt see her. His lyrics sounded so different, so...empty to her. Half of the words were "blah" for God's sake. As 2D droned on, Noodle found it harder and harder to tear herself away. Her eyes were glued to his back, to his swaying head, his fingers that danced along the keys with such concentration it made her dizzy. While she was lost in his music, 2D's brows knitted together as he lost his place, stopping suddenly and groaning in frustration. He sighed and turned around jumping at his surprise visitor. She seemed just as shocked as she was; her eyes widened and her mouth opened like she was about to say something. As she fumbled for words, 2D waged an inner war in his mind.

He was torn between acting like everything was normal and jumping off of his stool and imbracing the small girl. He looked up into her eyes, feeling like time was stopped for just a second before the choice was made for him. Noodle threw herself into his arms like she had when she was a little girl and started crying. Taken aback, he caught her and smoothed his hands over her damp hair, trying to comfort her. The tears flowed down her cheeks wetting the front of his shirt as she sobbed for some reason she wasn't even sure of. A very puzzled 2D patted her back, wiped the tears away without a word trying to distance himself from the girl to keep from hurting her. He pulled away from her slightly, gingerly touching her cheek with his palm. He looked into her tear-filled eyes with such intensity Noodle shivered invoulentarily. She found it hard to look directly into his black voids, either out of shame or guilt. No words had been spoken between them since he had left her room. With her face still in his palm, 2D continued to stare trying to think of the right words. He relished in the feeling of her silky skin against his rough hands, dispite the flow of tears blemishing her perfect face. Her eyes looked so pained and it caused him to look away out of guilt. Had he caused the broken expression on her face? He opened his mouth to ask, but quickly choked on the unspoken words.

They both sat staring at each other for what seemed like eternity, neither one knowing how nor wanting to break the connection they held. For a few intimate moments, they were the only two people in the whole world. 2D was lost in his own mind, distracted by what would happen if he were to kiss her. He stared at her small pink lips, moved to her turned up little nose, and then back to the plesant haven of her eyes.

"2D...?"

Dreamily, he mumbled a response, trying to hold on to the moment.

"Do you really love me?" She asked meekly, immeadiatly looking away.

2D snapped out of his trance-like state and sighed at the young girl's question. How was he supposed to answer that without hurting her?

"Noodle, love...I do love ya, I do...but 'smor complicated than that..." he sighed heavily and pulled her small frame to himself. She smelled like strawberries, he noticed, resting his face in her soft hair. He closed his eyes, thinking of how to explain this to her. He smiled sadly, thinking that maybe speaking wasn't the best way to express his reasoning. Keeping his face buried in her hair, he began to sing her song. He softly sang the words to El Manana, in a sad, sweet voice. She began sobbing again, her body shaking violently. He held on to her tighter, feeling his voice become thick and his eyes sting with the threat of tears.

"Why won't you answer my question, 2D-san?" she asked tearfully, pulling away and looking up at him.

Sometimes, 2D would forget that she was a, in a sense, a normal teenage girl. Perhaps she even had it a bit harder, what with living in a house with 3 men much older than her, but a seventeen-year-old girl was a seventeen-year-old girl and, no matter how mature she was, there was nothing that could help her understand these feelings she was having. 2D closed his eyes slowly, feeling a splitting pain through his head. He rubbed his temples and grit his teeth together. Just as he opened his mouth to try and explain, he heard Murdoc and Russel approching, clearly arguing about something. He reluctantly motioned for Noodle to stand on her own by her guitar as he scrambled to a casual-looking position.

"-an all I'm sayin' is maybe we don't _need_ to practice for six fuckin' hours, man!" The argument became louder as the two entered the room and 2D's headache got that much work.

Murdoc looked around, and scowled like normal. His gaze settled on 2D and he chuckled.  
"So, Face-ache, 'eard ya gotcha self a 'lil lasnight." his slight smile faded just to let the singer know he wasn't complementing him. "'bout time."  
2D looked away, wishing he could fall through the floor. He wished he could tell everyone to stop talking about it, that it only made him feel worse, but he couldn't let anyone know...that was the worst. He had no one he could express his guilt to.

Russel started talking about new music, but Noodle was only half listening. The other half of her concentration was being used on trying to stifle her sobs. She shoved her fist in her mouth and tilted her head down so her bangs covered her eyes. When she regained herself, she realized what they were talking about and became very interested. Murdoc was nagging 2D about writing new lyrics. She wondered to herself why he wasn't sharing the new lyrics she heard earlier. They were different, yes, but still something to get the satanist off of his back. And, if he had written that song recently, he must be writing other things, right? She was so very confused. As her bandmates squabbled on and on, she picked up her guitar and started playing. Nothing in particular, just something to move her fingers, to move her mind.

As she strummed, memories of the other night played in and out of her subconcious. She was having a bit of trouble convincing herself it was just a dream. Noodle had thought she had herself convinced, and she could pretend until she saw him. Once she laid eyes on him, all of the hurt of rejection came back to her and all she could think of was winning him over.

"-Noodle!"

She shook her head, clearing herself out of deep thought and looked up at Murdoc. Clearly, judging by the concerned looks on her friend faces, they had been trying to get her attenion for a little while. She offered a small smile and set her gutair down.

"D'ya 'ave anythin to offa? I'm sicka wastin' me time with Face-ache 'ere who can't even write a goddamned song once in a while!" and with that, he stormed out of the room. Russel and 2D stared after him, but Noodle just picked up her guitar, wondering when she would be allowed to go back to her room.

* * *

A few hours later, Noodle tossed and turned around in her bed, completely unable to sleep. She stared at the ceiling, alone but for her thoughts, her alcohol and weed gone. Neither of them had been enough to help her, but together she was feeling pretty decent. Her mind wandered while she lay still, not even able to blink. Her thoughts all circulated around a certain blue-haired singer. She sighed, wishing he was holding her and singing into her hair again. Was that a fantasy, too? Maybe that happened and not the sex? Maybe she was dreaming all of this...or maybe all of this was some weird fantasy she had thought up and it was too good to not be true, minus the crying. But, 2D loved her...in her dreams or for real? She sighed loudly. What time was it? She had shut her alarm clock off a few days ago....shit was trippy when high on shrooms. Everything was begining to frustrate her. Why couldn't she get to sleep!

Cuddling up in her blanket, she imagined 2D's long arms wrapped around her. Then she stopped; it seemed weird that she was fantasizing about him now. She suddenly felt very dirty, thinking that maybe there was something wrong in her head. She reasoned that it must be unhealthy to obsess over someone as much as she had been, but when she thought about how it felt to be in his arms, how sweet his voice was when he sang to her, how gingerly he had touched her face, how wonderful his lips tasted...

Before she really knew what she was doing, Noodle found herself wrapping her arms around her torso, and cacooning her blankets around herself. She could nearly feel his chest moving, steadily up and down where her head lay, feel his fingers curl around her hip, hear his breath in her ear. She smiled sleepily, waiting to hear him whisper the sweet things to her until he was sure she was peacefully asleep. She was nearly asleep when she felt the brush of a hand down her side. Her eyes popped open and she gasped. Sitting up, she scanned her room for someone, but she quickly found she was alone. She could feel her heart beating as she swung her legs over the edge of her bed and padded to a lap on the desk. She pulled the chain and the rook became luminated. Still, she saw no one.

Noodle knitted her brows together and fell to her knees to look under her bed; no one there.  
She swung open the closet door; empty.  
Noodle scowled, maintaining the fact that something had touched her and that her imagination was not _that_ vivid. With no where else to search, she gave up, shut her light off, and sat on the edge of her bed. She fell back into her previous position and tried to fall asleep with little luck. She couldn't close her eyes for even a minute without becoming paranoid. She wasn't afraid that someone or something was in her room, but that she had, infact, fantasized that insanely realistically. There was no way that was healthy, not at all.

A few more moments past and Noodle was begining to fear for her sanity. She was confusing her previous wishes with what had actually happened. Had 2D been with her in her room earlier holding her and running his hands down her side, or had she imagined that? Or maybe it was a dream? She shook her head in frustration, realizing that even if she wanted to, there was no one she could talk to about her problem. So she did the logical thing and left her room, wearing her cute little Hello Kitty pajamas, and headed to the kitchen in search of some alcohol.

When she reached her destination, she was relieved to find herself alone with almost a whole fifth of vodka from the freezer. She drank half of it quickly, nearly throwing up from the burning sensation of cold alcohol hitting an empty stomach. Sitting in a chair, she took another drink, and then another before closing the lid and placing it back in the freezer. Maybe this wasn't healthy, either but she didn't care. Atleast she could get some sleep now. Waiting for the happy feeling to wash over her was not going to take long, she thought happily. It would have been a good idea to start back to her room, so that she would be in bed when the effects slammed her in the face in a few moments, but she stayed in the comfy chair, not really caring to move. Nearly ten minutes past before she stopped staring at the floor and looked around. If Russel or Murdoc were to walk by her, they would shit. She would be three-sheets to the wind by the time they noticed her and that would be bad. 2D, on the other hand, she would probably just tear her shirt off and throw herself at him, almost like the first time.

_Which was a fantasy, right? _

Noodle could feel the warm feeling spread through her body as she tried not to think about that last question that had popped into her mind. Had it been real? If it was, then 2D should tell her how he felt! He owed her an explanation! She convinced herself, stood to go give a certain singer a piece of her mind, but toppled over, landing on her face and giggling a little. She hoisted her small frame up to standing position and staggered down the hall to 2D's room. On her trip, she felt her stomach churn and suddenly didn't feel very well. She couldn't puke, though, that would be no good. So, when she got to 2D's door, her false happiness was replaced with a stomach ache and a very hightened gag-refelx. She knocked loudly on the door and leaned against the wall, a miserable frown on her face.

When the man opened his door, he looked shocked to see her, especially in such a state. Quickly, without a word, he gathered her in his arms, led her to the bed, and shut his door behind them. He couldn't help but notice how cute she looked in pink short-shorts and a black top with a large Hello Kitty logo across the chest. Aside from the adorable outfit, she looked like hell, he observed. It was probably whatever she had taken prior to ending up in his bed, which he planned on finding more about soon.

"Lil'Love, whatch doin' ou'side me door at 2am?" He wrapped a small blanket over her shoulders and studied her face a little. She looked like normal little Noodle, minus the bloodshot eyes and huge frown. After getting close enough to smell the vodka, he was relieved that she was only drunk, and not on something worse. "Ya scared me 'alf to death!" he babbled sleepily. Still, she said nothing, just looked at the ground. He sat back down next to her and she leaned up against his shoulder, completely incoherant. He sighed, and embraced her.

"I just wanted to be with you..." she slurred, feeling tears sting her eyes. "I wanted you to sing for me again." she added, feeling her stomach flip over itself.

2D stared at her, realizing how drunk she must have been. It made him sad.

"Noodle, Love...lets getchu back ta your own room..."

Drunken Noodle's lip started to quiver and she started sniffing. He was rejecting her again. But that's not why she might cry; no, she was so upset because she couldn't understand if this was actually happening or if it was a dream, or a fantasy, or a hullucination. She was so confused. The tears began to fall from her eyes and she buried her face in the only safe place she knew at the moment; 2D's bare chest.

He felt her hiccup and try to cry silently, little sobs escaping her lips every now and then but he didn't know what to do. One part of him wanted to pick her up and carry her back to her room when she could sleep off her drunken state, and the other part wanted to lay back down, pul her up next to him and sing to her until she was asleep. Both of those choices had unwanted consequenses, but when he felt his arms tighten around the small girl, he became lost in the feeling of protecting her. He knew he was the cause of her drinking and he felt guilty about it. She was such a fragile-looking little thing. He suddenly felt that he might break her if he held on any tighter. In his mind, however, he was wrestling with the idea of having a secret relationship with her. He would treat her the right way, but Russel and Murdoc wouldn't see it that way, and she didn't deserve to have to sneak around the only family she had ever known just so he could be happier.

While lost in his thoughts, 2D had failed to notice that she had fallen asleep in his arms. She was light as a feather, but he felt very sleepy; very emotionally drained. He lowered himself and Noodle back onto his bed and pulled the covers up to his hand with his foot to avoid waking her. The way she had fallen asleep left him on his back and her turned over so that her right hand rested on his chest. He decided it was a very comfortable position and he, too began to fall asleep. He figured they could talk in the morning, that he could explain why they couldn't be together in the morning. But, for right now, he greedily snuggled closer to her, smelled her violet locks, kissed her forhead; all while her even breaths fell on his chest. It was like a lulaby to him, and he felt a smile replace his weary expression. It was a melencholy feeling, this bitter-sweet taste he was getting. He thought if he just locked the door and never left, then they could be happy, but he knew life didn't work that way. Slowly, he closed his eyes, rested his head on top of hers and drifted into a peaceful sleep. Maybe one day, he thought, giving himself the false hope he secretly kept locked away.

Tomorrow would be the hard part, but for right now, he was happy...

* * *

Thank you so much for the wonderful reviews, guys!

:)

I hope this chapter was an okay continuation...any kind of constructive criticizm would be greatly appreciated.


	3. The Perfect Drug

Hi guys! Thanks for all the lovely reviews.  
I know there have been a bunch of typos, but my MS word died and I haven't been able to get it fixed. And those things are realllll expensive to buy new, so unti lI get it fixed, please don't be too critical of the typos? I promise I'll edit all the previous chapters once I get it fixed.  
Enjoy the chapter now please. :)

Chapter 3: The Perfect Drug

_"I got my head but my head is unraveling  
cant keep control can't keep track of where it's traveling  
I got my heart but my heart's no good  
you're the only one that's understood  
I come along but I don't know where you're taking me  
I shouldn't go but you're wrenching dragging shaking me  
turn off the sun pull the stars from the sky  
the more I give to you the more I die...  
...__and I want you.__" -Nine Inch Nails_

* * *

Noodle stared at the ceiling for a good long time, focasing her eyes on the bleak white, making them go blury, forcasing, and then letting them go blurry again. Her brain was playing tricks on her so she was playing tricks on it. The paranoia was getting to her, making her sweat, making her eyes wide and dark, making her heart pound in a scattered rythm she didn't recognize. Her brow beaded with sweat although she was doing nothing more than laying on her back on her bed. She had woken up in that position. In her own bed.

Alone.

Had last night been a dream? It hurt her head to think about it. Or maybe her head hurt because of the vodka? She couldn't be sure.  
But she knew she had gone to see 2D last night. She remembered being in his arms, crying to him, feeling better at the sound of his voice...not having sex. But if that had happened, if she had fallen asleep in his arms, why had she woken up in her own bed, in her own room, with no 2D to be found. She shook her head. Maybe she _was_ going crazy.

No matter how hard she tried to move, her body just wouldn't listen to her mind, it, instead, insisted on listening to the insane little voice inside that convinced her to stare until her vision was blurry again. Her mind reeled, trying in vain to sort out what had happened last night. Why couldn't she remember?

* * *

They were telling him things he should be listening to, really. Murdoc and Russel sat across from him at their table, discussing the upcoming tour dates, how much they wanted or didn't want to go to certain places, how kickass the suites they were staying in would be, how many hot chicks they were going to fuck. 2D normally would have been involved in such conversations, especially involving the places they would be going. He loved getting away from Kong for any length of time, the longer the better. He knew they were talking to him, and he was vaugely listening. Last night had not been a good one. He was torn in pieces and they didn't fit back together like a puzzle. Balling his hands into fists, he rubbed his eyes and sighed loudly. Why didn't he have anyone to talk to about what he had done? He absolutly could not tell the members of his band, especially Russel. Noodle was like his daughter, his little girl. And, Murdoc, well obviously he'd like any excuse to pound him with no boundries. 2D shivered at the thought of anyone finding out. Aburubtly, he slid his chair back and stalked off, angry at himself, at his band mates, at everything that didn't have purple hair and green eyes, really.

He reached his favorite spot in a matter of moments, ignoring the insults and anrgy yelling coming from the two men as he abandoned the conversation without contributing a word. He was so pissed off, even the elevator made him grind his teeth. When he did eventually reach the roof, he dug through his pocket, pulled out a pack of cigarrettes, and reached for a lighter. While he was searching, thoughts of last night crowded his memory. He could understand everything that had happened, with the exception of his reasoning behind getting up early and carrying Noodle to her own bed. He had not wanted her to wake up with him...and he could not figure out why. There was just something about the whole thing that bothered him immensely. Maybe, he thought, it would be better if she didn't rememer coming to his room, she had been pretty drunk, he figured she would be less confused if she had ended up in her own bed.

"Bloody 'ell" he swore, realizing he had left his lighter in his room. Instead of punching something until his hands bled like he had wanted to, 2D just sighed, defeated, and sat down dangling his legs off the ledge and closed his eyes. He wished things were so different; for him, for Noodle. He pitied her more than himself. He had known better...

As he left his mind to wander some more, to wallow in self pity, he heard something that he had been missing. There was a quiet melody coming from somewhere. From where he was sitting, he could recognize it as the Deftones. He reasoned it could only be Noodle, knowing they were the only two who enjoyed listening to that particular band. For a split second he was excited and proud of the young girl. He credited himself for her good taste in music.

The blue-haired man stood up and looked around for where the girl might be at. He wondered how she wasn't aware that he was up there with her. He found her around a corner laying on her back, one leg proped up on her bent knee, smoking a joint, nodding her head to the music and blowing smoke slowly. She was wearing a purple jacket, jeans, and what looked like a Daft Punk tee. He couldn't help but observe that she was the definition of his perfect girl; mentally and physically. He watched her breathe the smoke in deeply, hold her breath for a few seconds and then release slowly, closing her eyes. He watched her until the whole joint was gone, feeling like he couldn't move. Only after she continued to stare into space did he walk over and take a seat next to her. It wasn't even a particularly nice day, actually it looked like it could rain at any moment, which made 2D's hair stand on end. It was one of those days when you're afraid to touch anything for fear or breaking it and when everything seemed much more intense than it actually was.

Noodle looked over at him, not completely shocked that her alone time had been interrupted. Neither really knew how to start a conversation, so 2D pulled out a ciggarette which made Noodle offer her lighter. He lit it and took a long drag, letting it linger in his lungs. He handed it to Noodle and watched her take a drag, inhale, and blow the smoke on the end of it. She ashed and took another drag before handing it back. In the background, the music droned on and on, ignored. Between them, electricity threatened to strike at any moment. The air was thick and muggy. They both knew what was going to happen without words, they both could feel it coming. They shared the same feelings of guilt, shame, even passion. No words had to come between the two to express the understanding of how deep they had gotten themselves.

Noodle wasn't even sure what she was feeling. Her mind was constantly second-guessing itself. She was tormented by never knowing what had happened and what was real. She delt with it the only way she knew how, to not ever tell anyone, to comfort herself by getting high and floating along through life.

2D was so angry at everything; his anger turned into frustration, and then depression. He had a strange feeling that Noodle was the same way and had no idea how to handle the situation. He was old enough to understand his feelings for her, she was not. He was mature enough to realize the problems with being with her, she could not. But, even with all that said, he was only human, and humans are flawed. 2D was flawed. And he was in love with a 17-year-old girl; which would have been bad enough to allow himself to accept without knowing that physically acting on his feelings had been a horrible mistake...without knowing that he would make that same mistake again in a heartbeat.

The song changed, Digital Bath now blared into the air. 2D looked at Noodle, and she looked back. There was nothing that could have prevented what must have been fate. He leaned over her, resting on an elbo and grabbed her chin with his free hand. He tilted her face up, looked into her eyes, seemingly into her soul, and moved his lips over hers. She responded eagerly, pulling him completely on top of her. They started roughly making out, pulling at clothes until she was in her panties and he was in only jeans. Suddenly, it started pouring, the pair were covered by a small awning, protecting the radio and their clothes, but as they rolled around, entangled in passion, they ended up under the rain. Neither seemed to notice as the rain mixed with sweat and moans while 2D made love to her, doing everything to make up for the first time. The only words spoken were half-sylables of each name, followed by something that was four letters long. He rolled Noodle on top of him and savored the sight of her young wet body infront of a background of black clouds and random flashes of lightning. They stayed that way for atleast an hour, their passion fueling them, blanketed by the rain, their moans muted by the thunder, and when it was done, they used each other for warmth under the awning, still kissing and caressing until both were too tired to move anymore. Still neither of them spoke, and that's how it started.

* * *

The combination of anger and confusion for the two fueled their love making. Neither of them knew what to say, so when something was wrong, they expressed it with sex. Noodle knew on some level how they were dealing with their situation, but 2D knew fully and that made him loose sleep at night. When he would start feeling guilty about sleeping with her, 2D would seek out the small girl and try to prove to her that it was more than sex. He was only semi-aware that he was also trying to prove it to himself. It was like a drug, making love with Noodle, something he shouldn't do, but something he needed. No solution solved all the problems, and that made him want to punch something until it broke, scream until he was hoarse, or slit his wrists, depending on the day. Of course he never did these things, for obvious reasons. Instead, he just wrapped his arms around the small girl and did his damndest to make her feel good, if only for a few minutes. How they managed to sneak around Russel and Murdoc, neither of them understood, but they were both sure the two had no idea as to what went on in 2D's room 4 or 5 times a week.

2D took into account that not all the consequensces were bad; Noodle had told him that she had stopped drinking excessively, no more shrooms, and she seemed happier...at times.  
However, from a realistic standpoint, not everything was picture perfect; the two had begun to shut out the other members of their band, relying solely on each other as an escape from their hectic lives. Strangely, while 2D felt himself growing closer and closer to the girl, Noodle remained trapped in her own mind, confused at what was going on. She didn't tell her lover about these feelings...and its not like she couldn't have, she knew he would have listened. It was just so much easier to rip off clothes and forget about things for an hour than to try and figure out how she was feeling.

What she had told 2D had not been a lie, she had mostly stopped abusing difference substances...mostly. She did, however, realize that she was replacing them with him to some extent. They gave her the same feeling. It was eerily comparable to a junkie who was at the point of needing help, knowing they were at that point, but not being able to face it. In her mind was a constant battle; on so many complex levels it was right and wrong, emotionally damaging but so, so satisfing, taboo and delicious. And she loved him. She did.

On one particular day, which held no meaning to either of the two, Noodle moaned ontop of 2D for a while before collapsing onto him as he groaned and shivered at his own orgasm. As they both lay panting, completely spent, the singer began to play with the young girl's hair loosing himself in the feeling of contentment. He lay with his eyes closed, twirling and twirling, still inside of her. In moments like these, 2D would have an overpowering urge to stare into her eyes and open himself up entirely. It was probably just his laid-back artistic nature that made him treasure moments like these, the storybook romance riddled with passion and danger and broken rules; a storybook he hoped had a happy ending. Deep down, though, he knew this could only go on for so long, and when that end did come, he knew Noodle would be the one to cause it. That's just the way these things worked, and he was resigned to the fact that this was, for whatever sad pathetic reason, the most important love of his life; and it didn't even have a chance.

"2D-san, what goes on in that head of yours all the time?"

He opened his eyes slowly, as if it hurt to be torn from his thoughts, and offered her a crooked grin, the one that she so loved.  
"Nofink goes on in me 'ead. I jus like bein 'ere with you."

"I was thinking the other day..."she trailed off, testing the subject. When he didn't say anything for a moment, she continued, "about how you always sound so...melencholy. Why do you like that word so much, 2D-san? Why are you sad so much?"

He thought a moment. It wasn't that he was sad, just...well, nothing really. Half of the time he had known her, he had been so messed up on pain killers that he couldn't have been himself. They became such a habit that he had just adopted his personality to be that way all of the time. As for how to answer Noodle's question, he just sighed.

"I love ya, y'know that, right, Love?"

Now it was Noodle's turn to think about the question. It irked her that he hadn't answered her question, but that look on his face told her that answering that question was not going to happen. It also irked her that he was always telling her these things, about how he loved her and how she was perfect and beautiful and how he would do anything for her. She didn't want to hear that, she didn't want to get into it so deep that he couldn't leave her. In some ways, she felt powerful and in charge and wonderfully feminin, especially when she could look at him with that special smile during band practices and watch his whole expression change; that same look that put him at her mercy in bed. At some level, she felt cruel, like the fact that their affair could only last for so long was a secret only she knew. She sighed.

"Lil'love?"

"Hai." she muttered, closing her eyes and rolling onto her side to cuddle with him. Simultaniously, they sighed; 2D's one of contentment, Noodle's riddled with depression.

_"take me with you_  
_without you everything just falls apart_  
_it's not as much fun to pick up the pieces"_

* * *

So, I hope you liked this chapter, so far, I think it may be my favorite...? Maybe.  
As always, reviews are welcome and wonderful!

-loli


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